Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
