Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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