next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
