I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
