why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
