I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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