am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
