no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
