Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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