I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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