i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
