Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
