Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
