Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm both gender and math confused
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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