I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
