i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize