He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
