I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
