happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
