I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
