dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
