Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
