why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
