the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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