absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
