I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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