Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
