he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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