...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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