Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
