My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.