I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn