in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.