did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.