I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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