Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
