So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
