so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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