I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
