my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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