Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
