My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
