You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
