he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
