I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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