i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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