Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
