some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
