I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
