Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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