Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I died a long time ago.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No subtext here. People are naked.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
