I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
