She announced her abortion via fbk
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
