My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
