He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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