You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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