Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
