just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
