You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
