I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
