he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't deserve a penis
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
