youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
