I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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