sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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