if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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