eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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