my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
