Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
